Hello there and welcome.
The tag line for Life by Design is Choice not Chance and that got me thinking about choices and where we cross that mysterious divide between our own choices and those imposed by others (even if we only believe that they are from someone else). This is the point when things change from ‘I choose to do’ to ‘I have to do’. Can you see the difference? Choosing is for yourself and having to is for someone else. I choose to have coffee with my breakfast (I benefit) versus I have to do the laundry (someone else benefits, yes I know you do too but your focus is on the ‘someone else’). If you re-frame the statement around laundry to ‘I choose to do the laundry’ then you can see how the focus changes and that the apparent benefit now lies with you. You hold the power (of choice) and you gain the benefit.
So it’s really about where you put your focus and, as this is your life, shouldn’t the focus be on you? Isn’t it right that you should ‘choose’ you first? You know what they tell you in the safety briefing on airplanes: “look after yourself before you try to look after anyone else”. The same is true on the ground. How can you ever be able to look after anyone else if you have not first looked after yourself. This is something that we as women struggle with as, in many cases, we have been bought up to put others first. This has to stop before you kill yourself tending to everyone else while you fade into the background of your own life. I believe that not one of us actually wants to be the ‘ghost’ in our own life story. Choose yourself first; this is showing respect for both yourself and for everyone else around you because if you have tended to yourself first you will be in a much better position to help others.
Honestly, we are all pretty good at the small choices: coffee or tea, red or white, stop or go – but only on the green light, but where we start to let ourselves down is when we fail to choose on the ‘big’ stuff. We let it ride and hope that someone else will choose for us. That, my friend, is not you being in charge of your own life choices, that is you putting your happiness, and your future into the hands of someone who you HOPE will choose for your benefit but who, in reality, will probably choose for their own. This is not to say that constructive discussion around options on choices is not valid, it most certainly is, but at the end of the day only one person can make the final decision; make that person you!
Yes, I know that big choices can be scary, but really, who is going to make the best possible choice for your benefit if it is not you? And if the choice is really that scary then perhaps now is not the right time and instead you should choose to focus on improving your understanding of all the possible outcomes of this choice before you finally do decide – but you must choose eventually. Failure to choose is a choice in itself – you are choosing to remain where you are, doing what you are doing and going around in circles. If you do not choose for yourself then someone else will take that choice from you, but believe me, a choice will be made, so as this is all about designing your life, you should be the one to make it.
The point is that life is all about choice; make the right choice for the right reason in support of the right outcome and you will shine.
Choose to go forward … and design a life you will love.
